2014 Holiday Gift Guide: The ASS’s Craigslist gift finds

The Angry Singlespeeder turns up some one-of-a-kind gifts on the cheap

Holiday Gift Guide

I owe my life to Craig Newmark, the founder of the almighty Craigslist. Since the year 2000, I’ve found bikes, cars, furniture, jobs, apartments and even met most of my friends through Craigslist (no, not in the personals section). Suffice to say, I’m too cheap to pay retail for new bike parts, so most often, I hop on the old Craigslist and scour for deals. There’s always someone who paid way too much for a bike or component, never used it, and now just wants it gone.

After a quick scouring of Craigslist San Francisco Bay Area, I found some gems that could find a great home for the Holidays depending on how cheap you are and what your taste in cycling gear is.

Blue Steel

Brand New Assos Jersey $90

Wishing you could own one of those fine, Swiss-made Assos jerseys, but don’t have an extra $250 plus tax to burn? No worries. The Terminator here will sell you his brand new XL Assos short sleeve jersey for only $90. Based on his photograph, the fact that he doesn’t respond to emails because of spammers and his request to call you after 6PM, he’s probably one of those complete diva pain-in-the-ass sellers who will throw a hissyfit when you offer him $60.

http://sfbay.craigslist.org/sfc/bop/4754828153.html

Shiny Shorts

Used Bike Shorts (Slight Skid Mark) – $22

Nothing matches a brand new Assos jersey better than a pair of previously poop-stained cycling shorts. Okay, I admit I’m cheap, but I’m not so cheap that I would buy someone else’s skidmarked chamois. I’ll spring for the extra coin to get an untainted chamois, thank you very much. I seriously can’t imagine someone actually driving their vehicle to meet somewhere with this guy, exchange currency, then take the shorts home. Do you try them on for size? Do you do it in the parking lot? Do you go raw dog when you try them on, or do you keep your Underoos on? And why $22? Are you expecting a lowball offer so you can settle on $20?

http://sfbay.craigslist.org/eby/bop/4788792213.html

Huffy Huffer Rig

Huffy WYSIWYG and Drunk Buddy Trailer – $30

Looking for that perfect holiday bar hopping rig that you can tow along a buddy drunk on Holiday spirit? Here’s the machine for you. It’s a Huffy WYSIWYG (What You See Is What You Get), and the dude upgraded the bike by taking off the shifter cables and turning it into a singlespeed. Totally worth the asking price of $30, so please, don’t lowball him.

http://sfbay.craigslist.org/scz/bik/4789990099.html

German Ape Hangers

Pretty Sure it’s a German Bike – $100 OBO

What makes this dude thinks this bike is German? Perhaps because your hands are so high on the bars it makes you look like you are Seig Heiling Hitler everywhere you go? An ad like this is what makes Craigslist so great. Simple. Ridiculous. Hilarious. This claptrap isn’t worth a poke in the eye, but I’d give the dude 100 bones anyway purely for comedic value.

http://sfbay.craigslist.org/pen/bik/4790270567.html

This Bike Sucks

Vacuum Cleaner Bike – $Overpriced

Then you’ve got your typical Craigslist nutbag vintage bike collector trying to sell antiquated velocipedes for far more money than they’re worth. This one is of particular interest because it looks like the dude took some old parts from an Electrolux vacuum cleaner, zip tied them onto an old Schwinn cruiser and thereby deemed it “an ultra rare, one of a kind never seen before, no other known to be in existence, Prewar Schwinn New World ELECTROLUX DELUXE Cruiser.”

Yeah guy, of course its one of a kind…nobody else in their right mind would strap VACUUM CLEANER parts to a bike! You’ve got to be kidding me with that asking price, boss. And as a general Craigslist rule of thumb, avoid any seller who repeatedly uses ALL CAPS and multiple exclamation points at the end of each sentence!!!!!! But I will say, guy definitely puts the hard sell on, making you imagine all the potential uses of a vintage vacuum cleaner bike.

http://sfbay.craigslist.org/sby/bik/4773306886.html

Photo Thumbnails (click to enlarge)

About the author: Kurt Gensheimer

Kurt Gensheimer thinks the bicycle is man’s most perfect invention. He firmly believes ‘singlespeed’ is a compound word. He sometimes wears a disco ball helmet. He is also known as Genshammer. He is a Gemini and sleeps outside in a hammock.


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  • Chicken_Rider says:

    I thought that Electrolux bike had a vacuum strapped to the left-side drivetrain! Like someone using a leaf-blower for a Supercharger… Hope these are banned in Moab as well.

  • JohnW says:

    To use the under-used term…”awesome post”!
    Just think if he had mounted the whole Electrolux vacuum under the TT, he could have marketed it as a jet bike. Included with that, of course, would have been a few miles of 2 conductor cable (no 3 wire on those old tank vacs).

  • Burkeman says:

    When I was a poor college student in the early 90′s I remember buying used bike shorts for like $5 a pair at the Velonews swap meet in Denver. These days I buy new shorts.

    The ads I love on Craigslist are the old outdated bikes from the 90′s like Cannondale Super-Vee’s, Trek Y-Frames, or a Proflex or Softride that someone is selling for $600 saying “I paid $2,000 for it when new.” Yeah, I paid $2,000 for a computer back in 1993 too but I doubt anybody is going to pay me much for one with an 80 MB hard drive.

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