Whiskey 50: Sonya testing her speed against Luna's Teal Stetson Lee. Photo by Dave McElwaine.
"That sounds cool, but I'd never want to do that!" are words I often hear when I tell people about some of my races. I got thinking about the why I want to do it. The easiest answer is I started racing because I am a competitive person and I love the thrill. I like pushing myself to be the best I can be and racing is a great motivator because you don't only race other people, you race yourself. My head started to hurt when I started thinking about why people are competitive from an evolutionary standpoint. Is it because we were warriors way back in the day? Does it all boil down to hunting, gathering, and procreating? Probably.
I started thinking about the other motivations behind the why. My racing has evolved from XC style racing that were normally 4-5 laps of 4-6 mile loops to longer 50-100 milers, to 7 day stage races, and now to adventure stage races in demanding conditions. Why would I want to sleep on the ground, freeze my ass off, ride my bike for 8 hours at a time, take pleasure in hiking my bike through the mud or up the side of a giant mountain, and voluntarily choose to push myself so hard that I suffer from the pain?
Simple. It makes me a better person.
There are so many psychological intricacies when it comes to the mind of the racer type and there are so many life lessons learned on the bike in the heat of battle. Here are the most important things I have learned. I hope to continue adding to this list.
Outside Bend, OR: Big views and maximum exposure.
Learning how to deal with disappointment, failure, and accepting them with grace.
From a non-competitive person's point of view, it's just a stupid bike race. And really, it is just a bike race. However, working very hard and making sacrifices to be at your best at that stupid bike race are part of what gives it an emotional charge. You want to succeed. The race is the icing on the cake - the real work occurs during the trials and motivation of training for the event. Racing has taught me to accept who I am in the moment. I'm not always going to be performing at my highest level; I have bad days. I'll also have amazing days, but accepting that I'm doing my best in that moment and not judging myself for where I should be has been a great and difficult lesson over the years. Accepting failure and disappointment directly translates to many other life scenarios that do not involve a bike. You lost the race or you didn't get the promotion at work. Someone else did. How will you handle it? Will you sulk and let your ego get the best of you, or will you shake their hand and genuinely respect and be happy for them? Losing with grace is not always easy. My greatest failure in my racing career was not completing the Colorado Trail Race in my 2010 attempt. It's a 550 mile self supported solo bikepacking race across the Colorado Rockies. I quit. I still reel from it, even typing it on my computer. It took me months to get over my despair, but I did and I want to go back. We learn more about ourselves from our disappointments and failures than we do from our victories.
La Ruta in Costa Rica: Walking on a slick railroad bridge hundreds of feet above a river with crocodiles. One slip and you're in trouble. |
Never give up.
Racing has taught me to never give up. I've had bad starts and over the course of 75-100 miles. I've persevered even though I felt like hell, overcame it, and achieved my goal. There have been stage races where bad things happened for days at a time, but I still came back and snatched my podium spot although admittedly it was not always "fun." Even on a training ride, getting to the top of the hill instead of giving up and going home is a lesson….or knowing when to give up too. What kind of person do I want to be? I want to be the kind that makes it to the top of the hill. I don't want to be the person who gives up when it's too hard, but knows the difference between giving up when it's too hard and knowing when it's too much. The bike is a great place to test perseverance and determination. Translated to life? If you can make up your mind to do something, work hard for it and never give up, you can do just about anything. The more you achieve goals simply by sticking with it, the more likely you'll be to set the bar higher. Not giving up in a race when things are hard (and they do get really hard) gives me self-confidence everywhere in my life. It makes me believe that I can and as a result, I've realized dreams I didn't even think were possible.
"Feel the fear, and do it anyway."
Overcoming fear makes us stronger. I remember the first time I spent the night in the woods by myself with no tent. It was just me, my bike, and a sleeping bag on the ground. I was terrified and even the sound of my pounding heart was spooking me. I stayed out there all night and now it's not that big of a deal. I feel a lot more self-reliant. I was afraid to carry my bike over Thorong La Pass at 17,769' in the Himalaya last year in the Yak Attack. This year when I went returned to the race, I had a newfound confidence, and I'm ready to take on more. Overcoming fear helps me realize my true potential; a potential to live life to the very fullest. I like standing up with self-assurance instead of cowering under a suffocating blanket of fear. It gives me a quiet confidence in my daily life because I know I can persist in any situation.
Descending Thorong La Pass in Annapurna, Nepal (17,769'): The descent had even more snow than hiking up. Sonya enjoying the view and the downhill trudge.
The harder it is, the greater the feeling of accomplishment.
This one doesn't require much explanation. Climb the hill next to my house, I feel good. Climb the whole damn mountain? I'm riding an endorphin high and enjoying the view. Ride 15 miles? Yeah, good, I exercised. Ride 100? Whoa, I did it! What else can I do? It makes me push further. In real life, when I feel anxious or am struggling through something, I know it's worth it. In a lot of cases, the greater the risk, the more the reward. Within reason!
Ultra endurance racing is funny. You are out there forever. You have to be patient, you have to know yourself. I like to think that because of my racing, I'm a better person in all my relationships. Some of the most inspiring, appreciative, and kindest people I have ever met have been ultra endurance racers. I believe that ultra endurance racing has made them better persons as well.