The Angry Singlespeeder: A Look Back on the Best Haters of 2013

Opinion
The magic of the ASS column isn’t in the writing, it’s in the resulting commentary. The ASS recaps his favorite hater comments of 2013.

Photo courtesy of klaus-gensheimer.com

I love retrospectives; looking back on the year gone by and reminiscing on the highlights – and lowlights – of a year that was. 2013 was the very first year of the ASS, a column that was started in February with no big expectations, aspirations or even inspirations for that matter. But for whatever inexplicable reason, people seemed to like it – and hate it – enough to read and share their colorful comments.

What I love most about writing the ASS is not the writing itself; it’s the comments, the reactions of you the reader that is truly the magic of the ASS. Although it sometimes makes my blood boil, I take a deep breath, smile and laugh it off. My skin has gotten pretty thick this year, and I have you the reader to thank. So in honor of the haters out there, let’s take a look back on 2013 with a selection of ASS columns and my favorite associated hater comments. Ready? Here we go!

One of the first ASS columns is still one of the most popular – 26er or 29er, which was more popular at the 24 Hours in the Old Pueblo? The was a lot of constructive criticism, but Tim Daraitis put it best:

“I like how all the pictures of this guy are in front of:
a. Women
b. An old dude.
c. Some guy wearing a denim vest that has a mullet.”

The article that cemented the fate of the ASS was Singlespeeds are for Angry People.
Jimbo chimed in with his thoughts.

I heard this one the other day:
“You know how to tell someone rides a singlespeed?”
“Don’t worry, they’ll tell you.”

Why Strava Sucks was extremely popular, with nearly 40,000 views. Many people agreed with my sentiments about how sucky Strava is, but Mark wouldn’t be fooled by my elitist drivel.

“This sounds like it was written by just another egotistical elitist ignorant liberal. “Strava sucks because humans cant be trusted to be responsible”. I suppose the editor feels the same way about guns. Strava never caused any single person to be irresponsible, it was those irresponsible people that chose it. Did Obama freaking write this garbage? Who ever you are stop posting your elitist drivel.”

In the Swiss Army Knife of Bikes, I praise the versatility of cyclocross bikes. However, because I was caught riding a bike with gears, like a senior official in the NSA, the illustrious Rich Dillen did some extensive research and dug up some dirt on me, accusing me of being a “gay football coach”. The friendship blossomed from there. Read his article about me. Good stuff.

One of the most colorful comments of 2013 came in response to Electric Mountain Bikes – Friend or Foe? Ken Graham rides an eBike, but that’s not all he does.

“I’m a kung fu fitness instructor; I destroy myself and my students every class so I would bet I would beat most riders. I also ride off road with 1kw ebike on trails that I usually never see any one else on. And I use my bike to get to work and training so I have energy for punching and kicking. I am quite sure the universe is a better place because of my ebike. Peace :)

In A Year Without USA Cycling, virtually everyone agreed with my sentiments – an exceedingly rare occurrence. Mike Bassi captured the feelings of most readers in succinct and pointed fashion.

“I would tell the USAC to go f**k themselves.”

Don’t “Showroom” Your Local Bike Shop was perhaps one of the most heated discussions of 2013. A lot of free-market economists shared their viewpoints, but a majority defended the LBS. Tom was clearly non-plussed by what I had to say.

“Dude, while i admire your knack for generating a large amount of click revenue, your rants are becoming painfully formulaic… Invent a situation with a character we all can hate… Come down righteously on the populist side of a topic garnered from countless biker forums across the web, Watch the hits as people tangle for the umpteenth time about strava, support your local bike shops, dont ride wet trails, spandex or baggies, pussy paths and trail braiding, etc. etc. please try to come up with something more original that hasnt been tossed around the bike forums for years.”

Continue reading for more on page 2.

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About the author: Kurt Gensheimer

Kurt Gensheimer thinks the bicycle is man’s most perfect invention. He firmly believes ‘singlespeed’ is a compound word. He sometimes wears a disco ball helmet. He is also known as Genshammer. He is a Gemini and sleeps outside in a hammock.


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  • d.peper says:

    GREAT ARTICLE AGAIN! I have to admit that I read for the fun topics and the viewer posts:) I love the ASS and his angry followers.

  • Rod says:

    This comment sums up your column perfectly.

    “Dude, while i admire your knack for generating a large amount of click revenue, your rants are becoming painfully formulaic… Invent a situation with a character we all can hate… Come down righteously on the populist side of a topic garnered from countless biker forums across the web, Watch the hits as people tangle for the umpteenth time about strava, support your local bike shops, dont ride wet trails, spandex or baggies, pussy paths and trail braiding, etc. etc. please try to come up with something more original that hasnt been tossed around the bike forums for years.”

    This is also why I normally don’t bother reading it. Unfortunately, the title of this article lured me in. I was hoping it would be about events that happened in the cycling season, not your column. Oh well

  • rynoman03 says:

    I enjoy reading your articles ASS keep up the good work! Haters gonna hate!

  • Rick v. says:

    I know you can’t put across everything you want to achieve here, you should become the CEO of specialized so you can be a real ASS. Fake asses brae funny.

  • Rick v. says:

    Do the winners get a t-shirt. ??????

  • Rick v says:

    Wow you are a pussy. Lol

  • Kevin Woodward says:

    ASS column is my favorite content on MTBR and always an entertaining read. Comments are an added bonus, the icing on the cake! Can never figure out why some folks find it impossible to understand the concept of opinion. Keep up the good work Kurt!

  • granite_One says:

    ASS. keep writing. i am a huge fan have read every article. your writing style reminds me a lot of chuck palahniuk being that you write as it is and how it would be spoken by the people involved. no pretentious douchbagginess as the haters like to throw at ya. keep it up man, good or bad its entertaining always.

  • Tom says:

    I was just glad to learn of this new, hip term “hater”. So original. I’m hoping to see it used a lot more in 2014!

    It’s great to be able diminish any opinion that differs from your own by simply labeling the dissenter “hater”.

  • JB says:

    re-run column
    tl;dr

  • Tim says:

    You can’t just copy my comment that I spent several days writing and editing and use it to earn yourself some cash. I’m expecting a steady stream of royalties to start rolling in. I know you’re one of those fat cat Internet journalist billionaires so you best share the wealth, or at least throw me some sick mods for my 07 specialized hardtail single speed. You know how to find me, ill be trolling the deep web looking for my next meal ticket now that I’m one of the top haters of 2013.

  • Ben says:

    Happy new year. Can’t wait for the new material. Keep it up.

  • Rick says:

    Im all for the formula of a character we can all hate…. Dicky is very hate able …. But wait he has all of those great bearing grease faux shit ..crap. I love dicky… He has really shown me the greatness. You all suck damn I don’t know who to hate..

  • Julie says:

    Who wears arm warmers with a tank jersey? That would make a really weird tan line.

  • EpicAndy says:

    You’re welcome. Nice clipshow, ASS.

  • roger says:

    Attention whore, but I do agree strava sucks low hanging nuts!

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