The magic of the ASS column isn’t in the writing, it’s in the resulting commentary. The ASS recaps his favorite hater comments of 2013.
Photo courtesy of klaus-gensheimer.com
I love retrospectives; looking back on the year gone by and reminiscing on the highlights – and lowlights – of a year that was. 2013 was the very first year of the ASS, a column that was started in February with no big expectations, aspirations or even inspirations for that matter. But for whatever inexplicable reason, people seemed to like it – and hate it – enough to read and share their colorful comments.
What I love most about writing the ASS is not the writing itself; it’s the comments, the reactions of you the reader that is truly the magic of the ASS. Although it sometimes makes my blood boil, I take a deep breath, smile and laugh it off. My skin has gotten pretty thick this year, and I have you the reader to thank. So in honor of the haters out there, let’s take a look back on 2013 with a selection of ASS columns and my favorite associated hater comments. Ready? Here we go!
One of the first ASS columns is still one of the most popular – 26er or 29er, which was more popular at the 24 Hours in the Old Pueblo? The was a lot of constructive criticism, but Tim Daraitis put it best:
“I like how all the pictures of this guy are in front of:
b. An old dude.
c. Some guy wearing a denim vest that has a mullet.”
The article that cemented the fate of the ASS was Singlespeeds are for Angry People.
Jimbo chimed in with his thoughts.
I heard this one the other day:
“You know how to tell someone rides a singlespeed?”
“Don’t worry, they’ll tell you.”
Why Strava Sucks was extremely popular, with nearly 40,000 views. Many people agreed with my sentiments about how sucky Strava is, but Mark wouldn’t be fooled by my elitist drivel.
“This sounds like it was written by just another egotistical elitist ignorant liberal. “Strava sucks because humans cant be trusted to be responsible”. I suppose the editor feels the same way about guns. Strava never caused any single person to be irresponsible, it was those irresponsible people that chose it. Did Obama freaking write this garbage? Who ever you are stop posting your elitist drivel.”
In the Swiss Army Knife of Bikes, I praise the versatility of cyclocross bikes. However, because I was caught riding a bike with gears, like a senior official in the NSA, the illustrious Rich Dillen did some extensive research and dug up some dirt on me, accusing me of being a “gay football coach”. The friendship blossomed from there. Read his article about me. Good stuff.
One of the most colorful comments of 2013 came in response to Electric Mountain Bikes – Friend or Foe? Ken Graham rides an eBike, but that’s not all he does.
“I’m a kung fu fitness instructor; I destroy myself and my students every class so I would bet I would beat most riders. I also ride off road with 1kw ebike on trails that I usually never see any one else on. And I use my bike to get to work and training so I have energy for punching and kicking. I am quite sure the universe is a better place because of my ebike. Peace ”
In A Year Without USA Cycling, virtually everyone agreed with my sentiments – an exceedingly rare occurrence. Mike Bassi captured the feelings of most readers in succinct and pointed fashion.
“I would tell the USAC to go f**k themselves.”
Don’t “Showroom” Your Local Bike Shop was perhaps one of the most heated discussions of 2013. A lot of free-market economists shared their viewpoints, but a majority defended the LBS. Tom was clearly non-plussed by what I had to say.
“Dude, while i admire your knack for generating a large amount of click revenue, your rants are becoming painfully formulaic… Invent a situation with a character we all can hate… Come down righteously on the populist side of a topic garnered from countless biker forums across the web, Watch the hits as people tangle for the umpteenth time about strava, support your local bike shops, dont ride wet trails, spandex or baggies, pussy paths and trail braiding, etc. etc. please try to come up with something more original that hasnt been tossed around the bike forums for years.”
Continue reading for more on page 2.