As the early bird registration doomsday clock for next year’s Breck Epic ticks inexorably down to its final minutes we thought we’d ply our ghetto Photoshop skills and love of obscure fonts in the service of reminding you why our 6-day sufferfest (and it’s 3-day little brother) should jump from your bucket list to you actual race calendar in 2012.
So as the reigning kings of preamble, we’re uniquely qualified to say, “Without further preamble we now give you the Top Ten Reasons to Race the 2012 Breck Epic…”
1. Because early bird registration (chock full fo eye-popping discounts) ends at midnight on Monday, October 31st. Which leads us to…
2. Because at $749 and $429 for Breck Epic Economy Size and it’s 3-day little buddy, “Epicurious”, the B-MF-E provides what’s arguably one of the finest MTB experiences (tongue-in-cheek self-serving justification to follow) in the unisphere for the least amount of your hard-earned race ducats.
3. Because at the drop of a hat you may get a furry picture of a semi-nude Burt Reynolds, a dissertation on the cultish supremacy of the Chevy El Camino (just the first two versions – the last model looked like ass) or an angst-ridden diatribe about why three-year olds really should be potty-trained by now and how it seems incredibly unlikely bordering on impossible that a human being that small can produce that much volume. Why? Because it’s mountain biking, not splitting the atom. If we can’t be irreverent we might as well all strap on some pleated chinos, screw up our sphincters tighter than a trout’s ass, commit ourselves to sucking the soul out of the sport we love and go work for the UCI in our jackbooted livery. Mountain biking used to be punk rock (qualifier: in some places it still is). It used to be anarchy incarnate, leaving flaming bags of poo on the doorstep of cycling’s establishment while it ran giggling off into the night. Some of the powers that be want to crush you under the heel of their oppression, which to us looks like a horrifyingly homogenized vision of glorified short track. This is Anti-that. Why? Because to quote Matt Damon (currently holding at #4 on Breck Epic’s current man-crush list), “#!@% them, that’s why.”
Which leads us to #4…
4. You won’t find any pro roadies slumming it like drunken high-fiving frat boys at our place. Except for Peter. And to be fair, most of the rest of the east coast contingent. They’re not roadies, nor are they products of the Greek system, but man can they drink. And surprisingly…not well. Or at least not with much dignity or grace. We digress…
5. You are almost 100% guaranteed not to have federal charges filed against you. If you rob one of our banks you’re on your own, but feel free to transfer your entry if you need to without fear of demonization or loss of employment.
6. We have a stage 7. It’s at the Gold Pan Saloon. Debauchery is really too gentle of a word. Not a lot of going-gentle-into-that-good-nighting going on there…
7. Because we don’t burden you with a lot of rules. Rule #1? “Don’t be a dick.” This is important and we take it seriously. #2? Don’t litter in our beautiful backcountry (stay away litterbugs, you’ve been warned). Rule 3? Wear your helmet. The rest we sort of figure out as a community and those discussions during race meetings are things of collective consciousness beauty.
8. Because it’s Summit County – there are miles and miles and miles of interconnected dirt trails out there and they all hook up. Expect very little road…and an aching face from grinning so hard. Some of you are going to need to rethink the concept of high-speed descending.
9. Mountain Flying Fish (sushi), Empire Burger (self-explanatory), Amazing Grace Natural Foods (fresh baked goods, killer espresso), Clint’s (coffee and breakfast), Relish. Modis, Giampietro’s and Eric’s – those are but a sampling of the amazing food and drink within walking distance of race HQ.
10. Because we’ve got good people on our side. The Summit Fat Tire Society and The Friends of the Dillon Ranger District to begin with. Those two groups oversee the care and feeding of the local trail network and a portion of our race proceeds underwrite their efforts. And in a nod to Breck Epic’s 2nd minion Tavish, who just turned three, but who’s prospects at birth seemed to be a choice between grim and grimmer, we’re pleased to announce our support of Willa’s Wheels, a Denver-based charity that through theRaymond Wentz Foundation helps underwrite housing costs and lessen the financial burden for parents with sick and hospitalized children.
11. Hell yeah there’s an 11. Because we crush it in three ways: the course is, quite simply, incredible. The vibe; it’s low key, quirky and above all, fun (special props to Ergon’s Jeff Kerkove for seizing the initiative on last year’s PBR station at the top of the last climb in 2011). We don’t take ourselves too seriously (ahem…you know who you are.) And the town - Breck is just amazing.
And one final word – we started the Epic for the same reasons we started The Firecracker and Mountain Bike Little League (along with Jeff Westcott, mountain bike promoter/superhero) – because mountain bike itself needed a little care and feeding. It needed a breath of fresh air. It needed new blood. It needed bigger experiences and better stories.
When you look back at your season or your life there are a handful of experiences that define you. Your toughness. Your commitment. Your 15 minutes of internalized fame or your personal ride on the MTB lightning. Because when you strap on a green plate in Breck in August it’s not about winning. It’s not about beating the guy or the team in front of you. It’s about signing a pledge in blood to rip your own legs off. Hour after hour, day after day. About marshaling your physical and mental resources in a prolonged chess match where the person across the table looks a lot like you.
Because whether your name is Jeremiah Bishop, Travis Brown, Tim Johnson or 65-year old Wendy Skean, when you cross that finish line on stage 6 after pinning it in your big ring on that final descent for 30 glorious minutes, you can walk through the rest of your life knowing that you’ve earned the initials “MF” stamped right in between your first and last name.
So in the words of the horsetoothed pixie/bard (in some incredibly accurate and disturbing foreshadowing of the episode to come on Oprah’s couch), “The bar is open.”
Breck Epic 2012
August 12-17, 3-day version, Aug 12-14
Breck MF Epic
To our bike biz friends who year after year make it happen for us. Shimano and Santa Cruz. Fox Racing Shox. Giro, Easton and Blackburn. Panache CycleWear. Hammer Nutrition. New patrons Kenda, Squirt and Ryders (whose contributions along with Blackburn’s made each racer’s experience qualitatively better). Ergon. Bike Magazine. Mountain Flyer. Thule, Club Ride and Great Western Lodging. The USFS, Summit County Open Space, and the town of Breck. And of course, the fine gents at Empire Burger, Giampietro’s and the Briar Rose.
Head to PreRace.com to take advantage of early bird or loyalty discounts (for returning racers) for the 2012 race. Returning racer needing to get in? Give us a shout for your for your personal discount code.
Offer Expires: October 31st, 2011 at midnight – Mwah-ha-ha-ha-ha (uttered in the voice of Vincent Price at the end of the Thriller video)
Source: The Breck Epic