The Angry Singlespeeder: The Trans-Sylvania Epic – Death by rock

At the Trans-Sylvania Epic, the rock beatings will continue until morale improves

Opinion Race Coverage

Stage 3

Photo by Devon Balet Media

Stage 2: Cooper’s Gap – 41 miles

To veterans of the TSE, this year’s Cooper’s Gap stage was regarded as the most punishing in TS Epic history. I sure as hell hope so. This stage was brutal, and quite possibly the most technical day of racing in my life. Twenty five miles of the 41 mile stage with nearly 6,000 feet of climbing was tooth-chattering, rock-strewn singletrack that beat the mind and body into oblivion.

The first section of singletrack was a conga line of riders getting bumped and bounced 10 ways to Sunday on impossibly long rock gardens. You couldn’t let your attention wander for a second or you’d be on your face with a line of 50 riders running over the top of you like just another rock in the garden. Thankfully there were short sections of fire road in between the senseless beatings of rocky singletrack to grab a drink and some food, because trying to do it on the rocks was out of the question.

On a super high-speed, narrow, off-camber downhill enduro segment, I went to pass a slower rider when his rear wheel got bumped off a rock and back into the trail, hitting my front wheel and sending me careening off the hillside and ending in a spectacular 15 mph flip over the bars. I immediately got up and looked around. The other rider and I looked at each other for a second in amazement. How both my person and bike were unscathed I have no idea. It was the hardest fall I’ve had in years, but somehow I suffered nary a scrape. “You lucky, lucky bastard” was all I could think.

After the second aid station at mile 31, the final ten miles was a combination of rock garden power moves, a high-speed enduro segment over a bed of baby head boulders that made your eyes bounce in your skull, and a crushing fire road ascent that gained about 1,000 vertical feet in just over two miles. Adding insult to injury, we finished on the dreaded Fisherman’s Trail. Upon crossing the finish line, there were battered and bloodied bodies strewn everywhere. Dreams were thoroughly crushed.

Dicky

How hard was Stage 2? Consider this. Fellow singlespeed scribe, Rich “Dicky” Dillen has done more than 30 TS Epic stages with a rigid fork and non-drooper seatpost. After Stage 2, Dicky was found strapping on a 140mm Fjox Fjork and drooper post, and was heard to proclaim, “There’s pride and there’s stupidity. I’m done being stupid.”

Clearly Stage Two had taken its toll. If this was a sign of things to come, I was beginning to wonder if survival was even possible.

Stage 3

Photo by A.E.Landes Photography

Stage 3: Tussey Mtn. Enduro – 22 miles

As a relatively new format in the TS Epic, Tuesday was a much needed “day off” from the clobbering we received on Monday. With only five timed downhill segments and a leisurely pace uphill in between each segment, Stage 3 was a great day for the gravity-oriented folk like me. Although it was supposed to be a casual pace, the beginning was far from it, as everyone wanted to race to the top in order to avoid a log jam at the first segment.

The approach to the first downhill segment was a gradual uphill singletrack lined with a seemingly never-ending procession of wheel-eating rocks. Stuck in the middle of a conga line of riders I tried powering through the rocks to keep the front wheel from getting swallowed alive, but my bike finally succumbed and sent me over the bars at barely walking speed. From the bottom of my diaphragm I unleashed a string of expletives that made everyone stop in their tracks. These rocks. These goddamn rocks. We’re not even at the first segment yet and I’m already bleeding. Some guy passed by me and said, “Welcome to Pennsylvania”. Yeah, no shit Sherlock.

Thankfully that was the only mishap I had all day. The five timed stages were rocky yet manageable, however there were plenty of flat tires and wrecks to be had. Even superstars like Jeremy Powers fell victim to the rocks, double-flatting on the third enduro segment.

Everyone talked about segment four, better known as Wildcat. Allegedly it has a mega rock garden at the bottom where everyone spectates, waiting for inevitable carnage. Having never seen it, I was ready to plow right through it with brute force and ignorance. It started out ignorant enough, but then my pedal came unclipped and the mission was over before it began. I had to do the run of shame through the boulder field as the spectators stood by and shook their heads in disappointment. Dicky, with his freshly installed 140mm Fjox Fjork and drooper post raged like a little man through the garden to great applause.

Fail

Photo by A.E.Landes Photography

But the Wildcat segment was nothing compared to Segment 5. Wildcat was a short, steep, rocky kick in the groin that was over painfully quick. Segment 5 was like being held down and beaten senseless by a gang of drunken thugs with a wellspring of anger and hatred. The rocky abuse simply never seemed to end.

The highlight of the day wasn’t the rocky beatdown however, it was the realization that Dicky and I have an entourage. At the rest stop, a new friend by the name of Don Breon III had pizza waiting for us courtesy of Lone Wolf Cycling. At the top of the final timed beating, Dicky and I commiserated over the fact that neither of us had beer waiting back at the van. But then we crossed the finish line of segment five to find another interweb superfan, Jason Novack, waiting with a six-pack of beer for us. Dude sat in the woods for hours waiting for us to finish just so he could give us a fist bump and say “good job, brothers. Here’s a beer.”

Continue to Page 3 for Stage 4, Stage 5 and Stage 6 »

About the author: Kurt Gensheimer

Kurt Gensheimer thinks the bicycle is man’s most perfect invention. He firmly believes ‘singlespeed’ is a compound word. He sometimes wears a disco ball helmet. He is also known as Genshammer. He is a Gemini and sleeps outside in a hammock.


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  • GW says:

    Impressive write up. My ass hurts now.

  • Tom says:

    Another good one. Any article about that much suffering and fury that makes me desperately want to be at next year’s version gets an “A” from me.

    Maybe you should think about a Milk Money for next year’s event. Keep the SS religion going, while allowing for the creeping onset of age (and widdom?).

    From your description, I’ll be the guy there next year on a 140mm 29er!

  • tyrebyter says:

    Truely, you’re an angry guy. I like that. And a fair piece of writing too.

  • rynoman03 says:

    Looks like you had a good time. I feel your pain riding technical trails on a 26″ Hardtail. You are absolutely correct when you say it will shake the teeth out of your skull.

  • Learux says:

    That was an enjoyable read.

  • Gary says:

    Maybe next year you should ride the 2014 Salsa Spearfish you reviewed,
    but as a SingleSpeed

  • GOOAAALLL! says:

    Good write up, matches my experience riding in PA. A 29er SS will still knock out your fillings, but not as bad and you’ll have a lot more line options opened up.

    A lot of the trails in that area always look underused or not riden, but mostly that’s just the nature of the forest. In some places, if a trail goes unused for over a week, the forest will reclaim it and swallow it up with thick brush and thorny stuff.

  • Scotch Hennesy says:

    Great article! I couldn’t imagine putting my body through that mental/physical torture. I’ve found myself getting pissed and screaming out loud during a race myself. Although, no where near the punsihment you were experiencing. Props to you my friend!

  • Guy Smiley says:

    Great read. Well done, especially on a SS HT 26er. We ride Rothrock a couple times a year, definitely soul crushing after a 60+ mile weekend, can’t even imagine 7 days. No wonder you got sick on the flight home that level of punishment on the body would send anyone’s immune system into the toilet.

  • jezik says:

    great article, I could not help but laugh out loud. i tend to get that pissed off when racing courses that just beat you up like that. definately inspires me to work harder,…and go on a ride!

  • some guy says:

    Excellent write up, ASS. I can’t even imagine riding in that event. Congrats on the hard-earned win!

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